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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22880065">The Tower &amp; The Moon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theoroark/pseuds/Theoroark'>Theoroark</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Deck [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Overwatch (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Blow Jobs, Body Horror, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, Missing Scene</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:07:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22880065</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theoroark/pseuds/Theoroark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Akande should be concerned when Gabriel Reyes steps into his prison cell. He should be even more concerned when Reyes dismisses the Blackwatch agents at his door, and tells them to keep the area secured. Akande hadn’t been directly involved in the Lacroix affair, but he was familiar with its details. He knows Gérard and Reyes were close. He knows how Blackwatch operates.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>But he’s not afraid. Because Gabriel Reyes showing up is the first interesting thing that’s happened to him in the last year.</i></p><p>-</p><p>Akande and Gabriel meeting, and their relationship growing over the years.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Doomfist: The Successor | Akande Ogundimu/Reaper | Gabriel Reyes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Deck [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>AkanDay 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Tower &amp; The Moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for AkanDay 2020 💜</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Akande should be concerned when Gabriel Reyes steps into his prison cell. He should be even more concerned when Reyes dismisses the Blackwatch agents at his door, and tells them to keep the area secured. Akande hadn’t been directly involved in the Lacroix affair, but he was familiar with its details. He knows Gérard and Reyes were close. He knows how Blackwatch operates.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he’s not afraid. Because Gabriel Reyes showing up is the first interesting thing that’s happened to him in the last year. And right now, Akande is seriously considering if interesting is more important than alive. Numbani isn’t an uncaring polity, at least not overtly. They don’t let him mix with the general prison population, but the guards talk to him. They send him to weekly therapy sessions and bring him the newspaper. But it’s boring, and that’s the worst thing they could have done to him. Everything is the same, there’s nothing to stimulate his mind, he feels like his brain is devouring itself sometimes, trying to find fuel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande has always tried to meet challenges head on. But it’s hard not to wish that they had killed him on the battlefield, instead of subjecting him to years of nothing. Maybe that’s why he’s not afraid of Reyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reyes doesn’t kill him, though. Reyes holds up his hands as he approaches Akande– as if the two of them aren’t both quite capable of killing the other unarmed. Reyes is in jeans and a sweatshirt and Akande looks him over and doesn’t see any signs of concealed equipment or weaponry. But Overwatch is where new technologies are born. That doesn’t mean much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a challenge. Akande smiles and stands up from his cot. Takes a step towards him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your better halves already thoroughly interrogated me last year,” he says. Reyes says nothing, but his eyebrow twitches. “I thought I did a fair job of giving you answers then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not here to ask questions,” Reyes says. His voice is raspier than it sounds on TV and bodycams, like he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in months. Akande tilts his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you here for, then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m here to make a deal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande laughs. “Mme Adawe seemed quite set on my life sentence. You’re a capable man, Commander. But you can’t beat her– not on her home turf, not with this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not making a deal with Gabrielle,” Reyes says. “I’m making a deal with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That stops Akande. Reyes sits down on his cot and motions for Akande to sit as well. Akande’s taken aback enough that he doesn’t comment on the absurdity of the gesture, he just sits. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Overwatch can’t go on,” Reyes says. “You agree on that point, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it can, it can. Me agreeing doesn’t change it’s capability.” Reyes lets a sigh out through his teeth. “You were capable enough to apprehend me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s shot through with competing interests,” Reyes says. “Including your own.” Akande tips his head in acknowledgement. “It’s dying, and it’s the kind of dying where it’ll hurt a lot more people dying slow than dying fast.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Talon isn’t for hire,” Akande says. “We won’t perform your mercy killing just because you ask nicely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t even made my offer yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather get out of here later on my terms than now on yours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to work for Talon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande stops. Reyes meets his gaze steadily. “Can you explain why?” Akande asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Overwatch has set the world up for failure. It hasn’t just failed to address Omnic inequality, it’s solidified it. It has plaque in every vein. If Talon’s seeking to clean all that out– I want to help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reyes says everything Akande wants to hear and nothing could make Akande trust him less. It isn’t until Reyes breaks his gaze, looks down at the floor all tired and defeated, that Akande feels like he knows what he’s dealing with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why did you come to me?” he asks. Because he needs confirmation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I built your file from scratch,” Reyes says. He’s still staring at the floor. “I was gathering intel on you the second you put on a Talon uniform. And you’ve always acted in their best interest, even when it fucked you over.” He looks around the cell and snorts. “Your accountant cut a deal for a helluva lot less than what they offered you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande knew Maximilien was the weak link Overwatch would lean on, but he’s grateful for the confirmation. “So you think your best interests and Talon’s overlap?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you believe in what you do,” Reyes says. “And I understand that. And I want that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande nods. “I’d like to help,” he says. “But like I said. I don’t think even you can get me out of here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you set me up with contacts in Talon, I can start working on the outside.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you planning on kidnapping them and bringing them here? Because prison visiting hours are quite public, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reyes reaches into his pocket and produces a holopad. Akande can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He taps out messages and emails for the first time in a year, wading through an obscenely full inbox. He sets Reyes up, making sure to establish safeguards and collateral for himself. When that’s done, he chances writing an email to his sister, thanking her for the pictures of his niece and nephew and belatedly wishing her a happy birthday. Reyes isn’t making any comments about Akande’s activities. He’s just sitting on the cot next to him, occasionally glancing over but mainly busy with his own holopad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande hasn’t had internet access in a year. He can’t quite be blamed for getting off track, testing the limits of Reyes’s tolerance. He finds it when he starts to play a video, and Reyes snorts and leans over his shoulder. “You’re done then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Consider it a signing bonus.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t those usually go to the new hire?” Akande shrugs and Reyes snorts again. He reaches over and presses play and as Atlas News begins to play again, Akande is suddenly very aware of how close Reyes is to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reyes has always been a known quantity to him. The nature of that has just shifted, over the years. In Talon, Reyes was a powerful enemy agent. Before, Reyes was the hot one of the Overwatch Strike Team. The M whenever Akande and his stupid college friends FMK’ed him, Morrison, and Amari. Akande had thought he’d seamlessly made the shift in conceptualization. But now, with Reyes right next to him, it’s suddenly a lot blurrier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It also occurs to Akande that Reyes had gotten divorced shortly before he entered prison. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know about Reaper,” Reyes says, cutting into his thoughts. Akande pauses the video and nods. O’Deorain’s experimentation has been sloppy on Talon soldiers. He looks over Reyes. His eye bags and crows’ feet and gray hair suddenly make more sense. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can get other personnel on your case,” Akande says, and Reyes laughs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I appreciate that.” He runs his fingers through his hair, pushing his beanie up as he does. It exposes more of Gabriel’s forehead, the wrinkles and grays that weren’t there the last time Commander Reyes was on television. “Guess I should be grateful you took me on, knowing I’m a liability.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande frowns. “Reaper is an exceptionally skilled soldier. Wraith technology, even in its imperfect modified form, is making our soldiers far more effective. Is there a negative side effect that’s recently come up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reyes looks confused for a moment. Then he gets a flat, humorless kind of smile that Akande feels like a memory. “It’s making me a monster,” he says. “I have your file, Ogundimu. You’re not just tactics and strategy. You’re a person. You get why that’s… wrong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande can only stare at him for a moment, trying not to laugh. He gets why that’s wrong, sure. It’s the same wrong that made people in Numbani, nice, tolerant, Numbani, draw away from him when he walked out of the hospital with cybernetics. It’s the same wrong that made people prefer him as a silent, suffering amputee to someone who refused to modulate his strength. Why would he give any credence to the kind of wrong that dictates what a person is?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that’s the thing, isn’t it. Reyes has his file. Reyes knows what he believes. Akande suddenly understands why Reyes is here, and he thinks he gets it better than Reyes does himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he knows when he leans in, Reyes won’t move away. He still hesitates at that last inch though, lets Reyes close the distance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It almost feels like a dream, kissing Gabriel Reyes. Especially when Reyes doesn’t back down whenever Akande challenges him. When Akande unzips his hoodie Reyes shoves a hand up his shirts, feeling his abs. When Akande starts at Reyes’s numerous belts, Reyes sucks on his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Akande pulls off him and drops to his knees, Gabriel’s eyes go wide. But when Akande doesn’t move, Gabriel does. He shoves his pants down and pulls his dick out so fast Akande could almost laugh. Gabriel’s already half hard and Akande feels his dick twitch on his tongue as he licks it. Gabriel lets out a long, low moan as Akande takes him in his mouth, and Akande can feel it down his spine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Most of Gabriel’s skin is covered. He’s wearing long sleeves, a beanie, even fingerless gloves. But as Akande digs his fingers into Gabriel’s thighs, as Gabriel’s cumming, some of Gabriel’s skin starts to give more than usual. Akande opens his eyes and looks over. Some of the skin has disintegrated, pulling up in black vapor. Gabriel cursed softly above him, and it sounds more angry than satisfied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Akande swallows, as conspicuously as he can, Gabriel’s voice just goes to a nearly imperceptible whimper. Akande takes his time pulling off, popping off Gabriel’s cock as loudly as he can. Gabriel’s watching him. Gabriel’s breathing heavily and Akande doesn’t know if he knows that with every breath, he’s exhaling more black smoke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande tastes it when he kisses him. It tastes like death, frankly. It tastes like drifting in and out of consciousness in the middle of a destroyed Ibadan street, while bodies burned around him. Akande should probably be concerned when all of that doesn’t dampen his crush. He doesn’t dwell on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m happy to be working with you,” Akande says. Gabriel nods. Pets the back of Akande’s neck and just stares for a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They don’t have long to cuddle. Gabriel leaves soon after, locking the door behind him. When Akande lies in bed that night, for the first time in a long time, his mind is racing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabriel is waiting him when he breaks down the prison wall. Their communication has been limited since their last meeting, five years ago– first because Gabriel didn’t want to arouse suspicion, then because Gabriel was dead, and wanted to stay that way to the public. But Gabriel got enough information to Akande to let him know that now was when he needed to leave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande sets the plane’s course for Italy, and turns to Gabriel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You told me you were stable,” he says. Gabriel starts, then tilts his head. “Your condition,” Akande clarifies. “You said O’Deorain had stabilized you after the explosion. Is that still the case?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabriel is quiet for a while, then he says, “Yes.” Akande frowns. It’s clearly not the whole truth. And he can’t fault Gabriel for that, really. Just a minute ago he was needling him, trying to gauge just how much he still cared for his old friends. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Akande knows O’Deorain, how selfish she is and how she isn’t nearly as smart as she likes to believe. And he cares about Gabriel. He’s missed him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Based on other reports, I understand your condition has given you enhanced capabilities,” Akande says. “You must appreciate that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabriel fully laughs. Bits of smoke trail off him when he does. “Yeah,” he says. “I’ve never been better.” And he leaves to the ship’s bay before Akande can say anything else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They land at a Talon-owned building in Rome, where Gabriel speaks to the clerk for a moment and then they’re both ushered to the penthouse. Akande doesn’t know if he’s been here before– every minimalist, colorless white open floor plan blends together after a while. But the closet is stocked with the kind of tuxedo he favors.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he comes out, Gabriel is sitting on the edge of the bed. He looks funny, black combat gear against delicate white linens. Akande pauses, tuxedo draped over his arm, and Gabriel looks up at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have a few hours until Widowmaker and Sombra are expecting us,” he says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Akande says. “I’m going to shower.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mind if I join you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande stops in his tracks, halfway to the bathroom. Gabriel is shrugging off his coat and standing up, walking towards him. He watches Akande, waiting for him to say something as he approaches. Akande doesn’t. Gabriel sets a hand on his waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You must have been lonely in there,” he murmurs. He strokes Akande’s neck and he sounds like a bad porn. Akande sets a hand on his arm to stop him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabriel looks up at him and for the first time, Akande notices his eyes are glowing red. He’s breathing heavily even though Akande’s barely touched him, and little wisps of black smoke are trailing out of his mouth. Then Gabriel’s kissing him. His lips are dry, not chapped, just cold and dead. Akande puts a hand on Gabriel’s chest and pushes him back. Gabriel stands there wide-eyed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This doesn’t need to be anything,” Gabriel says. “I don’t expect anything from you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande stares at him. It doesn’t make sense. He’s had years to ruminate on their hookup and he’s fixated on how Gabriel’s desire, the weight of Gabriel’s hand on the back of his neck, for months at a time. Now Gabriel’s standing in front of him acting like Akande would only fuck him as a last resort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabriel’s face twists into something crestfallen, but he doesn’t back down. Then it makes sense. Gabriel doesn’t want Akande to fuck him because he likes Akande, liked their first time and wants more. Gabriel’s mired in anger and self-hatred and frustration, and is hoping Akande shares the latter. Gabriel wants to self-destruct, and he sees Akande as gunpowder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande pushes against Gabriel’s chest, not particularly hard, but firmly. Gabriel takes a step back. “I need to get ready,” Akande says. He closes the bathroom door behind him before Gabriel can say anything else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The shower is big enough for two people, Akande notes sourly. He makes the water as hot as he can stand. He’s covered in dust and debris from the shattered wall and he scrubs at his skin hard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Who the fuck does Gabriel think he is. Why the fuck would Gabriel think he would want that. He’s been in prison, sure. But he’s not some desperate animal. He’s a killer, certainly. But he loves the act of fighting, the calculations and reading his opponent and turning a looming defeat into a sudden victory. He’s fine with the pain, but it’s not why he fights. He doesn’t relish in it. And he wouldn’t do that. And he doesn’t want to hurt Gabriel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande drops the loofah on the ground and lets the exfoliant wash off his hands. His whole body feels raw and now that he’s out of prison, all that pent up energy he’s tried to forget about is making itself known. He’s sure Maximilien will throw some goons at him to fight. That should provide him with some outlet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But God, it would have been nice to have sex with Gabriel. He lets his hand fall down and just holds his dick, not wanting to really commit to jerking off yet.  It’s not like he hasn’t used Gabriel as spank fodder before. After their meeting it had been hard not to feel the loneliness a bit more acutely, and harder not to imagine Gabriel hooking Akande’s legs over his shoulder and fucking him into the terrible thin mattress. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande laughs bitterly. Tightens his grip on his cock a bit. In those fantasies, Gabriel had always wanted to fuck him, was the thing. That had been a fairly integral part of the narrative.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabriel made their agreement fully cognizant of what Akande wanted. Akande had then, foolishly, made the assumption that because Gabriel had understood him, Gabriel had accepted him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not a mistake Akande plans on repeating. But Gabriel doesn’t have to know that he plants a hand against the tile wall and starts to stroke his dick, letting the hot water stream into his open mouth. Gabriel doesn’t have to know that he cums imagining some world where Gabriel rescued him because Gabriel wanted him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>O’Deorain takes her time letting Akande know Gabriel is stable. She goes on and on about the effects of biotic technologies and anti-healing factors, how Gabriel’s tissue is constantly decomposing and recomposing, and so it’s especially dangerous for him. When Akande finally snaps and asks, “Is he alive?,” she has the audacity to act surprised when she says, “Of course.” After that, Akande can’t take any more of her. He pushes past her into the medbay. She doesn’t follow him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabriel is lying on a stainless steel table in the middle of O’Deorain’s operating room. Parts of him are lying there, anyway. He’s missing an arm and a leg and bits of his body have been punched out, like a worm’s been burrowing through him. Smoke bubbles around the missing parts. Akande takes a deep breath as he steps beside him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Akande asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabriel lolls his head over. He’s smiling widely and so Akande can see he’s missing teeth, missing chunks of his gums and lips. “‘Never better,” Gabriel singsongs. And suddenly Akande’s afraid all over again because Gabriel’s body falling apart, that’s one thing. He knew Gabriel in one body, he knew Gabriel in another body, he’ll know Gabriel in the next. Gabriel’s mind going though, losing the person, being left with a shell?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande starts towards the door but Gabriel grabs his hand. He’s surprisingly forceful, for a man literally falling apart. “Things need to reconnect,” Gabriel says. “Brainwise, and bodywise. I’m reconnecting? Rebuilding?” He stares at the ceiling and his grip on Akande’s hand momentarily slackens, but tightens up fast when Akande tries to pull away. “I’m getting better,” Gabriel says firmly. “I’ll be better soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even in this state, Akande trusts Gabriel’s judgement more than anything O’Deorain says. He moves back to Gabriel’s side, and Gabriel’s face slackens into a smile. His fingers pet at Akande’s wrist. “Everyone says you’re the bad guy,” Gabriel says absently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But they’re wrong,” Gabriel says, like Akande hasn’t said a word. “You’re good to me. You’ve been helping me, ever since you got back. Before then, even.” Akande lets out a little huff. Gabriel’s hand moves up to his forearm, wrapping around it. “Even after what I did. I don’t deserve you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande stills. They never talked about what happened in the hotel. They wiped out Vialli’s faction together, took out Overwatch agents together. They’ve worked well as a team. Gabriel was not wholly trusted by the rest of the council for a while. Akande’s support has given him pedigree. Akande would like to pretend that’s what Gabriel’s talking about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Gabriel pulls Akande’s arm towards him and gently kisses his wrist. He looks up with red, lidless eyes and Akande doesn’t know what he looks like himself, right now. It’s all he can do to keep breathing. He can’t really control his expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I don’t deserve you, right?” Gabriel says. “You know I know that? That’s why. You know I wasn’t– I didn’t think–“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel as though I should have some say in what I deserve,” Akande says coldly. Gabriel’s mouth snaps shut and Akande has to tamp down a wave of guilt. “I didn’t say no because it was you,” he says, a bit more gentle this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabriel stares at him, his fingers still loose around his wrist. Akande bends down. He wants to brush a hand through Gabriel’s hair, but he’s worried the little that’s left might just blow away. “I didn’t want that,” Akande says. “If you want to self-flagellate, do it over the offer you made. Not over who you are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabriel blinks. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It still feels cruel. But Akande wants this so badly. “What for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I acted like you would want me like that,” Gabriel says. “I wanted that, I knew you wouldn’t, and so I tried to–“ Some of the smoke is streaming off him now and Akande can’t help himself, he puts a hand on Gabriel’s cheek. There’s white stubble there but it feels soft, not scratchy. Gabriel shuts his eyes. “It was shitty,” he says. “I knew it was shitty. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande leans in and kisses him. He still feels the same as he did before, smooth and cold. Akande finds he doesn’t mind. Gabriel’s tongue is odd too, like a cat’s but dry. Akande still lets Gabriel deepen the kiss. He only pulls back when Gabriel does. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This was. Uh. Good.” Gabriel’s eyes are wide open now. “But I’m uh. Still kind of.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande leans back and looks at Gabriel’s scattershot body. He clears his throat. “Right,” he says. “Do you need anything?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Gabriel says. “I’m getting better on my own.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande nods and leaves. He thinks about the kiss all night. He thinks about if Gabriel meant what he said. He thinks about if he did something wrong. He worries if he finally gave Gabriel what he wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has never wanted to hurt Gabriel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next day there’s a vase of black dahlias waiting for him on his desk. The simple white card that comes with them says, “Thank You” and “7 o’clock” beneath that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akande smiles and slips the card into his desk drawer. He moves the flowers to the side. It’s been years since he first met Gabriel Reyes. It’s so odd, after all this time, to finally let himself let a crush be a crush, to not deny it or turn it into something more safe and feelings-free. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s excited to go on a date. That hasn’t happened in a long time. He’ll need to thank Gabriel for that, later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Gabriel finally fucks him, he doesn’t hook Akande’s legs over his shoulders, and he doesn’t fuck him into any mattress. He has Akande on his knees, because Gabriel gets uncomfortable when Akande looks at him for too long, especially during sex. Gabriel’s slow and tentative the whole time and once he cums he just collapses, making only a token effort to help Akande get off too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It gets better. Akande tells Gabriel one night that even if he knows it’s Gabriel’s bullshit, it still hurts to not have his boyfriend meet his eyes. After that Gabriel lays Akande on his back and watches Akande as he opens him up until Akande has to look away, smiling self-consciously. Gabriel might bury his head in Akande’s shoulder while he’s fucking him nice and slow. But Akande can watch him do it, can pet his hair as Gabriel takes deep, shuddering breaths. And suddenly it feels like that’s all Akande’s ever wanted from Gabriel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It keeps getting better though. Gabriel keeps trying to be better. Akande hears him cut himself off before some self degradation. He feels Gabriel’s fingers along his body, learning Akande’s palpable cybernetics as best he can. He watches Gabriel learn his own body, all the amazing things it’s capable of. He’s rarely felt prouder, watching Gabriel become proud of it. Akande maintains that conflict is the impetus of evolution. But simply watching Gabriel trying so hard makes him give more in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The whole thing is almost frightening. Because Akande promised himself he wouldn’t let Gabriel hurt him again. Yet he unconsciously finds himself telling Gabriel his worries, sharing the bits of his past he would ruminate on his worst days in that cell. Even when Gabriel takes it in stride– always supportive, never pitying– Akande cannot help but feel like he’s made a mistake. Like the wrong impulse has won out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Akande has devoted himself to embracing change, to surrendering to conflict and trusting in its victory. And so when Gabriel tells him he loves him, Akande must finally admit that Gabriel accepts him. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m <a href="https://twitter.com/tacticalgrandma">@tacticalgrandma</a> on twitter if you want to talk to me there!</p><p>Thank you so much for reading, and any comments or kudos would mean the world to me 💜</p></blockquote></div></div>
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